It’s been a month since my last post. Pathetic I know. But in reality, it was hectic trying to get through the holidays, travel, visit family and friends – and of course trying to forget about our big “disappointment” last month.
The forgetting worked for a little while, but the sadness and anger of being so close to finally becoming parents did rear its ugly head a couple of times (especially after a few Patron shots at this amazing oyster bar in Newport, RI).
But, as with everything in life, we are moving ahead (with no regrets) – which reminds me of something my husband said to me during our little escape to The Keys.
He was referring to this old movie called, “The Gumball Rally” (from 1976), which is about a coast-to-coast car race (think of the Cannonball Run movies).
Well, there’s a scene where this Italian guy is in the driver seat (his name is Franco) and he looks at the guy and the passenger seat and says:
Franco: And now my friend, the first-a rule of Italian driving.
[Franco rips off his rear-view mirror and throws it out of the car]
Franco: What's-a behind me is not important.
So, the point of Ken’s story was, we are going to do exactly what Franco did: We are going to rip off the rear-view mirror and not look back. Because what has happened with this whole adoption process so far is not important – what’s important is what lies ahead – on the open road before us.
With that said, does anyone know of a good adoption lawyer in the NYC-area?
Friday, January 6, 2012
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A Surreal Few Weeks
These past few weeks have gone by in a blur – a kind-of dream state almost. It started just before Thanksgiving with a call from our lawyer. It seems like everything starts that way lately… with a call from our lawyer. She said she had been in contact with a birth mother who was due the day after Christmas.
Of course I had my suspicions due to the previous experiences that we had had, but somehow I felt this one was going to be different. First, because our lawyer had actually met with this birth mother, and second, we had a long conversation with the birth mom, and for the first time, we made arrangements to meet her and her two girls in person – in the flesh. Lunch was the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving came and went with a bang. As I mentioned earlier, we had 30 people over. It was stressful planning it, but in the end it turned out to be the best Turkey Day Ken and I and our friends and family had had in a long time. I think there’s something magical when everyone sits down at the same table (in our case, a really long table that that took up two rooms) and goes around and says what they are thankful for. It was very memorable.
Of course, I said I was thankful for my amazing husband, my family and friends making the journey to our house, and of course this new and exciting prospect that we could actually become parents by Christmas. It was all happening at once.
Saturday came and we were off to meet the birth mom about 3 1/2 hours away. I remember her coming down the stairs and giving me a hug as soon as she saw me. Maybe it’s just a female thing because we’re all so emotional, but it meant a lot to me. Over the next few hours we got to know her and her two adorable girls, how she grew up, what she hoped the future would hold for her kids. We drove away feeling really good about the whole thing.
Fast-forward to a week and a half later – after we’d been calling and texting one another – to me waking up to my phone buzzing near my head at 5am. Of course I jumped out of bed to answer it. It was her. She had been brought to the hospital for significant bleeding. After running some tests, the doctors determined that she was OK and so was the baby. I could hear his heartbeat … thumping through the phone… so I knew that things are going to be fine. Well, that same day, around 2:00 she called to say that she was in labor. WHAT!!??
I ran to tell Ken who was packing his bags to leave on business. He immediately thought I was messing with him, but quickly saw that I wasn’t kidding. We race to the hospital. In the meantime, things are pretty official. We have entered an adoption plan together. Papers are signed and checks have been written. So we do what any expectant parents would do and excitedly tell our friends and family that “HOLY S#@*” this is finally happening.
We were trying to be cautiously optimistic of course, but then again, we’re only human and emotions took over. We spent a few hours with her in the hospital, but the baby was not coming that night, or anytime soon, which in hindsight is a good thing – because it turns out she needs more time to work out some stuff in regards to this adoption – the most specific thing being visitation.
When we entered the adoption plan, it was letters and pictures and updates once or twice a year. We have no problem with that at all. But, in the end, “K” decided she wanted 5 to 6 visitations a year, and Ken and I just don’t want to have that open of an adoption – even though I know it works for some families.
Answer this question for me: Parenting is hard enough, so how do you raise your child without them getting completely confused when their birth mom visits them every few months?
I am sure someone has some really good answers out there.
(By the way, in between the two days that were shacked up at a Holiday Inn Express outside the hospital, we got a little ahead of ourselves and bought a whole bunch of things at Babies ‘R Us. We looked pretty sad when we returned it all 2 days later! Well, we used the money for a good cause. Keep reading to find out.)
In the end, we told our lawyer we were walking away, because the most important thing to us right now is not becoming parents. The most important thing is to have the birth mother of our child feel 100 % comfortable with her decision. We don’t want her to feel pressured and we certainly don’t want her to wake up every morning thinking that she’s made the biggest mistake of her life. I would be heartbroken if that happened.
So we walked away, and over a couple of shots of tequila and a lot of tears (on my end), we decided the best thing we could do is give her some breathing room and some time to think.
In the meantime, we ran off to Key West to drown our sorrows.(see photos above) And I must say it was absolutely the best thing we could’ve done with the money we got back from that Babies 'R Us shopping spree: Toes in the sand and cocktails at noon.
I didn’t want to come home. I didn’t want to come back to reality and the realization that this was not happening again for us.
But strangely … it’s not completely over. She hasn’t had the baby. She’s on bed rest due to the bleeding, and her lawyer said she doesn’t want to look at any other couples. She said she sees us as the parents that she wants for her son.
Ken and I just want what is best for her and her kids. So, I guess we just have to wait and see what that is.
Of course I had my suspicions due to the previous experiences that we had had, but somehow I felt this one was going to be different. First, because our lawyer had actually met with this birth mother, and second, we had a long conversation with the birth mom, and for the first time, we made arrangements to meet her and her two girls in person – in the flesh. Lunch was the Saturday after Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving came and went with a bang. As I mentioned earlier, we had 30 people over. It was stressful planning it, but in the end it turned out to be the best Turkey Day Ken and I and our friends and family had had in a long time. I think there’s something magical when everyone sits down at the same table (in our case, a really long table that that took up two rooms) and goes around and says what they are thankful for. It was very memorable.
Of course, I said I was thankful for my amazing husband, my family and friends making the journey to our house, and of course this new and exciting prospect that we could actually become parents by Christmas. It was all happening at once.
Saturday came and we were off to meet the birth mom about 3 1/2 hours away. I remember her coming down the stairs and giving me a hug as soon as she saw me. Maybe it’s just a female thing because we’re all so emotional, but it meant a lot to me. Over the next few hours we got to know her and her two adorable girls, how she grew up, what she hoped the future would hold for her kids. We drove away feeling really good about the whole thing.
Fast-forward to a week and a half later – after we’d been calling and texting one another – to me waking up to my phone buzzing near my head at 5am. Of course I jumped out of bed to answer it. It was her. She had been brought to the hospital for significant bleeding. After running some tests, the doctors determined that she was OK and so was the baby. I could hear his heartbeat … thumping through the phone… so I knew that things are going to be fine. Well, that same day, around 2:00 she called to say that she was in labor. WHAT!!??
I ran to tell Ken who was packing his bags to leave on business. He immediately thought I was messing with him, but quickly saw that I wasn’t kidding. We race to the hospital. In the meantime, things are pretty official. We have entered an adoption plan together. Papers are signed and checks have been written. So we do what any expectant parents would do and excitedly tell our friends and family that “HOLY S#@*” this is finally happening.
We were trying to be cautiously optimistic of course, but then again, we’re only human and emotions took over. We spent a few hours with her in the hospital, but the baby was not coming that night, or anytime soon, which in hindsight is a good thing – because it turns out she needs more time to work out some stuff in regards to this adoption – the most specific thing being visitation.
When we entered the adoption plan, it was letters and pictures and updates once or twice a year. We have no problem with that at all. But, in the end, “K” decided she wanted 5 to 6 visitations a year, and Ken and I just don’t want to have that open of an adoption – even though I know it works for some families.
Answer this question for me: Parenting is hard enough, so how do you raise your child without them getting completely confused when their birth mom visits them every few months?
I am sure someone has some really good answers out there.
(By the way, in between the two days that were shacked up at a Holiday Inn Express outside the hospital, we got a little ahead of ourselves and bought a whole bunch of things at Babies ‘R Us. We looked pretty sad when we returned it all 2 days later! Well, we used the money for a good cause. Keep reading to find out.)
In the end, we told our lawyer we were walking away, because the most important thing to us right now is not becoming parents. The most important thing is to have the birth mother of our child feel 100 % comfortable with her decision. We don’t want her to feel pressured and we certainly don’t want her to wake up every morning thinking that she’s made the biggest mistake of her life. I would be heartbroken if that happened.
So we walked away, and over a couple of shots of tequila and a lot of tears (on my end), we decided the best thing we could do is give her some breathing room and some time to think.
In the meantime, we ran off to Key West to drown our sorrows.(see photos above) And I must say it was absolutely the best thing we could’ve done with the money we got back from that Babies 'R Us shopping spree: Toes in the sand and cocktails at noon.
I didn’t want to come home. I didn’t want to come back to reality and the realization that this was not happening again for us.
But strangely … it’s not completely over. She hasn’t had the baby. She’s on bed rest due to the bleeding, and her lawyer said she doesn’t want to look at any other couples. She said she sees us as the parents that she wants for her son.
Ken and I just want what is best for her and her kids. So, I guess we just have to wait and see what that is.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Diversions & Renovations
There’s nothing like gutting a few rooms in your house to keep your mind busy and not obsessing over the adoption process you feel like you've been entrenched in for years.
This all started a little over a month ago when my husband decided he wanted to get a designer to help us with some rooms. To give you a little background, we live in 200-year-old house that always needs work. Last year we focused on painting the outside of the house, and now, it was time to take a look at some rooms on the inside. Believe me, I never thought we would hire an interior designer to help us (it sounds like such a DB thing to do) – but it has actually been an eye-opening experience. She has picked things out that I never would've even looked at.
If someone told me I would wallpaper my entryway – I would have told them they were nuts. I mean wallpaper is so 1970’s and 80’s. Well, let me tell you… grass–cloth wallpaper is genius. It’s rustic and elegant and gives the room so much texture. It’s hard to see from the picture – but it is pretty kick ass. Now I want to grass-cloth my whole house!
We also decided refurbish our front door, which is one of my absolute favorite things about this house. Here’s a picture after the woodworker started to tear out the side paneling.
And here's a picture of our new light fixture and another angle of the grass-cloth. (I am a big fan)
The other room we decided to completely re-do is our mudroom. I wish I had a before picture, but basically, it was a cluttered mess. One of the closet doors was unhinged, which would periodically come crashing down on the dog if you weren’t careful – and speaking of dogs – my French Mastiff, Charlie, had complete reign over the space, which meant lots of drool and lots of hair.
So we decided to rip everything out and start from scratch. First up on the agenda was a new heated floor because that room was frigid! Here's a before and after of the tiles. Now we are just waiting for some paint, the California Closets, the new “steam” washer and dryer (so excited for those!) and some furniture.
We’re also updating an upstairs bedroom that will double as Ken’s office and an open room downstairs that will be my new office. Ken's room is almost there. You can see the new rug and paint color (Benjamin Moore - Nocturnal Gray). We just need some furniture to arrive!
The good news is that this project has really taken our mind off the adoption. The bad news is – all of this is supposed to be done before Thanksgiving. Oh, and did I mention that we have 35 people coming over. Yikes!
But then again, our designer lady has promised us it will be done. So fingers crossed and stay tuned for some updated pictures.
This all started a little over a month ago when my husband decided he wanted to get a designer to help us with some rooms. To give you a little background, we live in 200-year-old house that always needs work. Last year we focused on painting the outside of the house, and now, it was time to take a look at some rooms on the inside. Believe me, I never thought we would hire an interior designer to help us (it sounds like such a DB thing to do) – but it has actually been an eye-opening experience. She has picked things out that I never would've even looked at.
If someone told me I would wallpaper my entryway – I would have told them they were nuts. I mean wallpaper is so 1970’s and 80’s. Well, let me tell you… grass–cloth wallpaper is genius. It’s rustic and elegant and gives the room so much texture. It’s hard to see from the picture – but it is pretty kick ass. Now I want to grass-cloth my whole house!
We also decided refurbish our front door, which is one of my absolute favorite things about this house. Here’s a picture after the woodworker started to tear out the side paneling.
The other room we decided to completely re-do is our mudroom. I wish I had a before picture, but basically, it was a cluttered mess. One of the closet doors was unhinged, which would periodically come crashing down on the dog if you weren’t careful – and speaking of dogs – my French Mastiff, Charlie, had complete reign over the space, which meant lots of drool and lots of hair.
So we decided to rip everything out and start from scratch. First up on the agenda was a new heated floor because that room was frigid! Here's a before and after of the tiles. Now we are just waiting for some paint, the California Closets, the new “steam” washer and dryer (so excited for those!) and some furniture.
We’re also updating an upstairs bedroom that will double as Ken’s office and an open room downstairs that will be my new office. Ken's room is almost there. You can see the new rug and paint color (Benjamin Moore - Nocturnal Gray). We just need some furniture to arrive!
The good news is that this project has really taken our mind off the adoption. The bad news is – all of this is supposed to be done before Thanksgiving. Oh, and did I mention that we have 35 people coming over. Yikes!
But then again, our designer lady has promised us it will be done. So fingers crossed and stay tuned for some updated pictures.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Busted!
Our adoption journey/craziness has definitely been a comedy of errors – but this latest experience ranks right up there at the top.
Our lawyer (who is on her last leg with me) contacted us last week to let us know that it was IMPERATIVE for us to get our homestudy update from our agency as soon as possible. I asked her why, and she said she had a birth mom who was due at the end of January. OK… this was an exciting prospect. So in true fashion, I ran around like a crazy person getting things signed and notarized, on top of writing another fat check to our agency, and then we waited for her to send us the paperwork.
She overnighted it, and I ripped open the Fed Ex envelope as soon as it landed on our front porch.
Now, I have never looked over this kind of paperwork before, but it’s basically background information about the birth mom including medical and family history. I scanned over the pages carefully and found no sign of anything alarming – except the fact that this woman and her family didn’t seem to have any medical issues at all. No drinking, drugs, family history of cancer or heart disease or anything else for that matter, but let’s be honest, even the most ‘normal’ families have a history of something… right?
Well, I was about to find out that this birth mom was not so perfect after all. Her name was glaring at me from the top of the document -and so I did what anyone in my place would do – I Googled her.
I was thinking maybe a Facebook page would come up with her name – but no. Instead, the website, BUSTED! mugshots.com was staring back at me. It turns out she was arrested a few months ago for obstructing justice (or something like that). OK. Not so bad. But then I Googled the birth dad’s name, and just like that, his name popped up on mugshots.com as well. Turns out he was arrested last month for assault and battery/domestic violence. REALLY!? Now, I don’t expect the birth parents to be perfect by any means, I really don’t. But the fact that her “old man” (he’s 54 and she’s 31) got busted for domestic violence when she’s supposedly 6 months pregnant didn’t exactly give me the warm and fuzzies.
Long story short, as my husband loves to say, I called our lawyer and she had other news that wasn’t so promising. Like the fact that the birth mom was due at the end of May, not January. That’s a big difference. She then tried to feed me some story, saying she thought she was 6 months along, but it turns out she was only 2. Again REALLY?!
I stopped her right there and said we would take a pass.
By the way – she didn’t know about the arrests either – which is BS. Isn’t that part of her job to know? Ken and I have gone through more fingerprinting and background checks – but god forbid – we know that information about potential birth parents. (sorry I’m going off on a tangent)
Bottom-line: I am sure we will meet the right birth mom or birth parents at some point… it’s just hilarious what we have to go through in the meantime. If I don’t laugh about it… the only thing left to do is cry… and I’m over that for now.
Our lawyer (who is on her last leg with me) contacted us last week to let us know that it was IMPERATIVE for us to get our homestudy update from our agency as soon as possible. I asked her why, and she said she had a birth mom who was due at the end of January. OK… this was an exciting prospect. So in true fashion, I ran around like a crazy person getting things signed and notarized, on top of writing another fat check to our agency, and then we waited for her to send us the paperwork.
She overnighted it, and I ripped open the Fed Ex envelope as soon as it landed on our front porch.
Now, I have never looked over this kind of paperwork before, but it’s basically background information about the birth mom including medical and family history. I scanned over the pages carefully and found no sign of anything alarming – except the fact that this woman and her family didn’t seem to have any medical issues at all. No drinking, drugs, family history of cancer or heart disease or anything else for that matter, but let’s be honest, even the most ‘normal’ families have a history of something… right?
Well, I was about to find out that this birth mom was not so perfect after all. Her name was glaring at me from the top of the document -and so I did what anyone in my place would do – I Googled her.
I was thinking maybe a Facebook page would come up with her name – but no. Instead, the website, BUSTED! mugshots.com was staring back at me. It turns out she was arrested a few months ago for obstructing justice (or something like that). OK. Not so bad. But then I Googled the birth dad’s name, and just like that, his name popped up on mugshots.com as well. Turns out he was arrested last month for assault and battery/domestic violence. REALLY!? Now, I don’t expect the birth parents to be perfect by any means, I really don’t. But the fact that her “old man” (he’s 54 and she’s 31) got busted for domestic violence when she’s supposedly 6 months pregnant didn’t exactly give me the warm and fuzzies.
Long story short, as my husband loves to say, I called our lawyer and she had other news that wasn’t so promising. Like the fact that the birth mom was due at the end of May, not January. That’s a big difference. She then tried to feed me some story, saying she thought she was 6 months along, but it turns out she was only 2. Again REALLY?!
I stopped her right there and said we would take a pass.
By the way – she didn’t know about the arrests either – which is BS. Isn’t that part of her job to know? Ken and I have gone through more fingerprinting and background checks – but god forbid – we know that information about potential birth parents. (sorry I’m going off on a tangent)
Bottom-line: I am sure we will meet the right birth mom or birth parents at some point… it’s just hilarious what we have to go through in the meantime. If I don’t laugh about it… the only thing left to do is cry… and I’m over that for now.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Back to Square One
Just when I thought that Ken and I had had finally caught a break in this wonderful process of adoption ---- nope. Not happening. And when I say "wonderful process of adoption" I am totally being sarcastic. It really sucks. S-U-C-K-S. (Don’t get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful and amazing thing, it’s the process that really stinks)
So in my last blog, I was feeling really positive. We had been talking and texting with a prospective birth mother from Texas and things were going really well. In fact, the day after I posted that blog she called to tell us that she had chosen us – CHOSEN US – to be part of her adoption plan. It was surreal and exciting all at the same time. She wasn’t due until May so we had plenty of time to forge a relationship with her. She even told us she wanted us to be in the delivery room with her. All incredible news.
Although we were being cautiously optimistic (I am starting to hate that phrase) – I couldn’t help myself from daydreaming about how I would decorate the baby’s room… how I might have to trade-in my mini for a bigger car to fit a seat in the back… how I would be a parent in less than a year and on and on. I had that warm and fuzzy feeling, but then things took a turn for the worse a week or so later.
The birth mom called me after she had (allgedly)left the doctor, and the call was a little strange to say the least. So I left a message for our lawyer Debbie. She called us back saying she had some suspicions as well – and it turns out she had caught the birth mom "D" in a bunch of lies, and even went as far as to say that "D" might not even be pregnant. WHAT!?? Debbie said she might have just been pursuing the adoption to get attention because she was sad and lonely. OK. Now, I felt like I was in the real-life version of that movie "Catfish" when that guys falls in love with the hot girl on Facebook only to find out she’s a middle-aged woman who was bored with her life. Not quite the same thing – but you get the picture.
I am not going to judge because I don’t know what kind of challenges "D" is facing in her life, but I hope, really hope, this doesn’t happen to us again. I told our lawyer that I DO NOT want to talk to another birth mom until she has deemed her what she calls "safe." I guess its better that this happened now and not 6 months down the road. But it still hurts. It still sucks.
Oh, and to add little salt to our fresh wound, our agency wants another $2,500 to update our homestudy. Total BS since we’ve already paid them almost $2,000 bucks for our initial one. And even worse, they charge you a $1,000 for what they call a "required" charitable gift. REALLY! And adoption isn’t about the money right?
So now – it’s back to square one. Who knows, if this doesn’t work out, maybe we’ll just travel around the world and buy an apartment in Paris. Honestly, right now, that sounds pretty good to me.
So in my last blog, I was feeling really positive. We had been talking and texting with a prospective birth mother from Texas and things were going really well. In fact, the day after I posted that blog she called to tell us that she had chosen us – CHOSEN US – to be part of her adoption plan. It was surreal and exciting all at the same time. She wasn’t due until May so we had plenty of time to forge a relationship with her. She even told us she wanted us to be in the delivery room with her. All incredible news.
Although we were being cautiously optimistic (I am starting to hate that phrase) – I couldn’t help myself from daydreaming about how I would decorate the baby’s room… how I might have to trade-in my mini for a bigger car to fit a seat in the back… how I would be a parent in less than a year and on and on. I had that warm and fuzzy feeling, but then things took a turn for the worse a week or so later.
The birth mom called me after she had (allgedly)left the doctor, and the call was a little strange to say the least. So I left a message for our lawyer Debbie. She called us back saying she had some suspicions as well – and it turns out she had caught the birth mom "D" in a bunch of lies, and even went as far as to say that "D" might not even be pregnant. WHAT!?? Debbie said she might have just been pursuing the adoption to get attention because she was sad and lonely. OK. Now, I felt like I was in the real-life version of that movie "Catfish" when that guys falls in love with the hot girl on Facebook only to find out she’s a middle-aged woman who was bored with her life. Not quite the same thing – but you get the picture.
I am not going to judge because I don’t know what kind of challenges "D" is facing in her life, but I hope, really hope, this doesn’t happen to us again. I told our lawyer that I DO NOT want to talk to another birth mom until she has deemed her what she calls "safe." I guess its better that this happened now and not 6 months down the road. But it still hurts. It still sucks.
Oh, and to add little salt to our fresh wound, our agency wants another $2,500 to update our homestudy. Total BS since we’ve already paid them almost $2,000 bucks for our initial one. And even worse, they charge you a $1,000 for what they call a "required" charitable gift. REALLY! And adoption isn’t about the money right?
So now – it’s back to square one. Who knows, if this doesn’t work out, maybe we’ll just travel around the world and buy an apartment in Paris. Honestly, right now, that sounds pretty good to me.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
It's been over a month since I’ve updated my blog - such a slacker right?! Well, not exactly.
I honestly haven't had time with all the changes (see David Bowie below for a little song action) that have taken place in the last 30 days. First off, I left my job at Fox. Yes, I did it. As bittersweet as it was, and as hard as it was leaving all the amazing people I work with (especially 5 ladies in particular - you know who you are) - it was time to leave and move onto new adventures.
One - because I am starting my own little, one-man band media company that provides top-of-the-line (that's right... top-of-the line) freelance writing and producing. If you know anyone who needs those services - let me know! Two - because I want to establish myself and still thrive in my career despite the fact that I will be becoming a mom soon ... hopefully soon. And three - I COULD NOT and WILL NOT subject myself to one more second of that all out soul-sucking commute I had to do 5 days a week. So that's that. It's a new day and a new world for me.
One last work note before I move onto other news. My last article and video I got to do at FOX was about a beautiful 4-year-old girl from Ethiopia who was found by a non-profit organization based in Seattle who specializes in helping ET kids with medical issues. Her name is Sami and she was suffering from a massive venous malformation on her face. Of course the growth was impossible not to notice, but after just a few seconds with her, all of that disappears and you just focus on her big brown eyes and the fact that she is so strong and so resilient. Check out the video.
VIDEO: A Second Chance for Sami
As all of you know by now, Ken and are adopting from Ethiopia and have officially been waiting for about nine months. At the same time, we also started to pursue domestic adoption. Remember that 22 page profile that took two days to put together? Well, it has paid off. Our lawyer called us the night before my last day at work (talk about timing - I think it's a sign) and said that she sent out our profile to a 19-year-old prospective birth mom in Texas.
Well, apparently she liked our profile because she called our lawyer back right away to say that she wanted to call us. When I heard that, my stomach started to flip out a little bit.
How surreal! What was I even going to say to this young woman? Was I going to babble on the phone? Was I going to say something wrong? Our lawyer told us to just be ourselves, but it wasn’t like I was having a conversation with just anyone. This could be and might be the person I am forever connected to, and incredibly grateful to, for being the birth mother of a child that may become my child one day soon – Our kid. I felt like I was going to throw up. But Ken snapped me out of it and I picked up the phone and dialed her number.
At the other end was a sweet, southern-drawl voice. We talked for about 20 minutes about why she liked our profile, how old far along she is (she’s due in the spring– so it’s still early) and we just chit-chatted. It was surreal – but after I hung up I felt pretty good about it. Since then we have been texting and setting up a time for all three is us to talk.
And speaking of that call, just 30 minutes ago my lawyer called to say that D (the birth mom) wants to have a call with me and Ken tomorrow to tell us some “good news.” She said she knew what it was, but D had asked her not to say anything, so she wasn’t going to tell me unless I asked her to. As hard it was for me not to scream “TELL WHAT IT IS NOW PLEASE!” … I wanted to respect D’s wishes. So, now we will have to wait until tomorrow to find out what it is.
I guess I will just spend the next 24 hours obsessing. She already told me that twins run in her family -- all three of her sisters have twins. So who knows!
But of course she would have to pick us first. Stay tuned.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
The Profile...
I have been completely delinquent with my blog these past few weeks - but I must say it has been for good reason.
1. I've been distracted by the summer weather (who hasn't)
2. Ken and I have been entrenched in hiring a lawyer for domestic adoption (we are keeping our options open)
3. I've obsessed, re-written, re-formatted and spent hours upon hours putting together what we like to call the "book of our lives," which translates to a profile that is shown to prospective birth mothers.
4. And of course... there's work too.
Now, let's talk about this "profile" for a moment shall we. Our lawyer told us to spend an hour (yes, just 1 hour) writing up an outline of how we met, our relationship, how long we've been married, our childhood, our family, our friends, our house, how we see ourselves as parents etc etc.
Really, an hour.... Please people! In reality it turned out to be like 20 hours and 22 pages long (including pictures). Thank god I had my friend Linda (along with some vino) to help me through it. I was so exhausted at the end of the process that I looked it over and I thought "Would I like these people? Would I want them to be the parents of my unborn child."
With that said, I still stuck that document in a FedEx envelope and overnighted it to a lawyer in Tennessee who was meeting with a prospective birth mother the next day. (By the way $90 bucks to overnight that thing! As my friend at work said - I could have filled up my Mini twice and gotten that document there in the same amount of time.)
A few hours after the meeting took place, our lawyer called and said it had gone well, that the women had pure intentions and was serious about placing her child for adoption.
That was 7 days ago and we still haven't heard anything - but that's OK with me - because in the beginning I told myself that I wasn't going to invest a lot in this meeting. I was just going to look at it as an opportunity that could possibly turn into something else. So that's where we are.
Still on the waiting list for Ethiopia and at the same time pursuing domestic. Who knows where this road will end up taking us...
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