Thursday, October 20, 2011


Our adoption journey/craziness has definitely been a comedy of errors – but this latest experience ranks right up there at the top.

Our lawyer (who is on her last leg with me) contacted us last week to let us know that it was IMPERATIVE for us to get our homestudy update from our agency as soon as possible.  I asked her why, and she said she had a birth mom who was due at the end of January. OK… this was an exciting prospect. So in true fashion, I ran around like a crazy person getting things signed and notarized, on top of writing another fat check to our agency, and then we waited for her to send us the paperwork.

She overnighted it, and I ripped open the Fed Ex envelope as soon as it landed on our front porch.

Now, I have never looked over this kind of paperwork before, but it’s basically background information about the birth mom including medical and family history. I scanned over the pages carefully and found no sign of anything alarming – except the fact that this woman and her family didn’t seem to have any medical issues at all. No drinking, drugs, family history of cancer or heart disease or anything else for that matter, but let’s be honest,  even the most ‘normal’ families have a history of something… right?

Well, I was about to find out that this birth mom was not so perfect after all. Her name was glaring at me from the top of the document -and so I did what anyone in my place would do – I Googled her.

I was thinking maybe a Facebook page would come up with her name – but no. Instead, the website, BUSTED! was staring back at me. It turns out she was arrested a few months ago for obstructing justice (or something like that). OK. Not so bad. But then I Googled the birth dad’s name, and just like that, his name popped up on as well. Turns out he was arrested last month for assault and battery/domestic violence. REALLY!? Now, I don’t expect the birth parents to be perfect by any means, I really don’t. But the fact that her “old man” (he’s 54 and she’s 31) got busted for domestic violence when she’s supposedly 6 months pregnant didn’t exactly give me the warm and fuzzies.

Long story short, as my husband loves to say, I called our lawyer and she had other news that wasn’t so promising. Like the fact that the birth mom was due at the end of May, not January.  That’s a big difference. She then tried to feed me some story, saying she thought she was 6 months along, but it turns out she was only 2. Again REALLY?!

I stopped her right there and said we would take a pass.

By the way – she didn’t know about the arrests either – which is BS. Isn’t that part of her job to know? Ken and I have gone through more fingerprinting and background checks – but god forbid – we know that information about potential birth parents. (sorry I’m going off on a tangent)

Bottom-line: I am sure we will meet the right birth mom or birth parents at some point… it’s just hilarious what we have to go through in the meantime. If I don’t laugh about it… the only thing left to do is cry… and I’m over that for now.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Back to Square One

Just when I thought that Ken and I had had finally caught a break in this wonderful process of adoption ---- nope. Not happening. And when I say "wonderful process of adoption" I am totally being sarcastic. It really sucks. S-U-C-K-S. (Don’t get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful and amazing thing, it’s the process that really stinks)

So in my last blog, I was feeling really positive. We had been talking and texting with a prospective birth mother from Texas and things were going really well. In fact, the day after I posted that blog she called to tell us that she had chosen us – CHOSEN US – to be part of her adoption plan. It was surreal and exciting all at the same time. She wasn’t due until May so we had plenty of time to forge a relationship with her. She even told us she wanted us to be in the delivery room with her. All incredible news.

Although we were being cautiously optimistic (I am starting to hate that phrase) – I couldn’t help myself from daydreaming about how I would decorate the baby’s room… how I might have to trade-in my mini for a bigger car to fit a seat in the back… how I would be a parent in less than a year and on and on. I had that warm and fuzzy feeling, but then things took a turn for the worse a week or so later.

The birth mom called me after she had (allgedly)left the doctor, and the call was a little strange to say the least. So I left a message for our lawyer Debbie. She called us back saying she had some suspicions as well – and it turns out she had caught the birth mom "D" in a bunch of lies, and even went as far as to say that "D" might not even be pregnant. WHAT!?? Debbie said she might have just been pursuing the adoption to get attention because she was sad and lonely. OK. Now, I felt like I was in the real-life version of that movie "Catfish" when that guys falls in love with the hot girl on Facebook only to find out she’s a middle-aged woman who was bored with her life. Not quite the same thing – but you get the picture.

I am not going to judge because I don’t know what kind of challenges "D" is facing in her life, but I hope, really hope, this doesn’t happen to us again. I told our lawyer that I DO NOT want to talk to another birth mom until she has deemed her what she calls "safe." I guess its better that this happened now and not 6 months down the road. But it still hurts. It still sucks.

Oh, and to add little salt to our fresh wound, our agency wants another $2,500 to update our homestudy. Total BS since we’ve already paid them almost $2,000 bucks for our initial one. And even worse, they charge you a $1,000 for what they call a "required" charitable gift. REALLY! And adoption isn’t about the money right?

So now – it’s back to square one. Who knows, if this doesn’t work out, maybe we’ll just travel around the world and buy an apartment in Paris. Honestly, right now, that sounds pretty good to me.