Reflections on the Past Seven Months of Motherhood

Being a mom is over-the-top wonderful on so many levels. The smiles, the laughing and the nose scrunching (from Nola Grace) that I get to see first thing in the morning when I open the door to their room.

The high-fives from Emerson. The big, huge – my face is covered in Velveeta cheese and I love life – smiles from Attie. The giggles from Nola Grace when I tickle her – and the snuggle-time she needs after getting up from her nap. And the way they dance to Motown during dinner is too much. They love Al Green. I mean, who doesn’t.

Oh, and there’s nothing better than seeing their little minds at work. I am blown away by how smart they are. Of course I am biased. But it makes my heart sing every time they learn a new word, point to a new object, say a new color (Yellow is Em’s favorite. For a little while he thought EVERTHING was yellow!)

It amazes me how far they have come in the seven months since we’ve been home. They all went from not being able to sit up (little wet noodles, especially Attie) --- to walking and half running around the house and yard. THEY ARE WALKING EVERYWHERE AND ARE INTO EVERYTHING. All I have to say is gates people. Gates, gates and more gates.

Yes, they have made real strides – but we haven’t done it without some help along the way. A month after we got home (they had just turned 12-months), we had them evaluated by Early Intervention, which is a state-funded program (although we all pay our fair share of NY state tax) … that helps kiddos 3 and under with a variety developmental delays.

The initial evaluation can be a little daunting. It sent my mind spinning with worry. “Why can’t they scribble with a crayon yet?” “Why doesn’t Nola know how to ‘fake’ brush her hair yet?” “Why can’t they fit that triangle in the shape-sorter?” “Why can’t they walk yet like other 1-year-olds?” … And those questions go on and on. I made it even worse by comparing my three little cherubs to kids of the same age who were born here and have been thriving in a stable home environment since they were born. DON’T DO THIS. It will drive you nuts.

And don’t feel stigmatized if your kid/kids need these services. (I know my husband did a little bit in the beginning). If you have a fantastic instructor, like we do, it’s only going to help your child get to where they need to be and beyond. It’s a good thing. Trust me. My kiddos have learned so much and so have I.

We also go to the library once a week (it’s free!) for story time and a Mommy-and-Me class, which is as good for the kids as it is for me. We moms need time to bond with other women going through the same stuff. It definitely helps you stay sane. Plus it’s so good to bounce ideas off each other. I know I could always use advice as a first-time mom. Especially a first-time mom of triplets!

Speaking of advice. Ken and I are having an ongoing debate about more traditional Pre-K schools and Montessori. Thoughts? I would love to hear some.

As much fun as it’s been to watch them make huge strides both in their ability to walk, talk and learn everyday – it’s been even more entertaining watching their personalities unfold. I’ve written about my Big Em and my sweet pea Nola Grace -- and how unique and beautiful they both are. But I still have one to go. My sassy Attie is not to be missed. There’s a lot going on there. But I’ll save that for my next blog along with the “not so always” amazing moments of motherhood, including living in a world of poop.

That’s right. Three toddlers whose diapers need to be changed all the time and one very active puppy who’s still being house broken. Needless to say... I sometimes live in what I like to call, "Crazytown."

Case in point, Attie trying to drink out of the dog bowl...

One Year Ago Today...

It was one year ago today that we found out we were officially about to become a family.

The call came as were were walking out the door to drive to the airport. We were going to be a family of five! Scary and amazing news all at the same time. I remember Ken and I making the calls that morning, cramped in my Mini, to let everyone know that we had been matched with triplets! Yes, three babies!!! Our friends and family were overjoyed (and to be honest a little stunned!)

This is one of the first photos we ever saw of our kiddos...

And now exactly one year later -- here we are -- loving every minute of it (well, almost every minute!)

Attie sucking his thumb (ready for his nap), My sweet pea Nola Grace and Emerson (always Mr. Happy -Go-Lucky!)

As my friend Kelly recently said on her blog about getting their referral call one year ago -- Happy Referralversary!

Wordless Wednesday

My first jelly and cream cheese sandwich!

Em is not too sure about the whole sandwich thing!

Clashing of the walkers.

They love their Ikea tent!

Lunch with the trio.

Love this smile!

Back to Square One

Just when I thought that Ken and I had had finally caught a break in this wonderful process of adoption ---- nope. Not happening. And when I say "wonderful process of adoption" I am totally being sarcastic. It really sucks. S-U-C-K-S. (Don’t get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful and amazing thing, it’s the process that really stinks)

So in my last blog, I was feeling really positive. We had been talking and texting with a prospective birth mother from Texas and things were going really well. In fact, the day after I posted that blog she called to tell us that she had chosen us – CHOSEN US – to be part of her adoption plan. It was surreal and exciting all at the same time. She wasn’t due until May so we had plenty of time to forge a relationship with her. She even told us she wanted us to be in the delivery room with her. All incredible news.

Although we were being cautiously optimistic (I am starting to hate that phrase) – I couldn’t help myself from daydreaming about how I would decorate the baby’s room… how I might have to trade-in my mini for a bigger car to fit a seat in the back… how I would be a parent in less than a year and on and on. I had that warm and fuzzy feeling, but then things took a turn for the worse a week or so later.

The birth mom called me after she had (allgedly)left the doctor, and the call was a little strange to say the least. So I left a message for our lawyer Debbie. She called us back saying she had some suspicions as well – and it turns out she had caught the birth mom "D" in a bunch of lies, and even went as far as to say that "D" might not even be pregnant. WHAT!?? Debbie said she might have just been pursuing the adoption to get attention because she was sad and lonely. OK. Now, I felt like I was in the real-life version of that movie "Catfish" when that guys falls in love with the hot girl on Facebook only to find out she’s a middle-aged woman who was bored with her life. Not quite the same thing – but you get the picture.

I am not going to judge because I don’t know what kind of challenges "D" is facing in her life, but I hope, really hope, this doesn’t happen to us again. I told our lawyer that I DO NOT want to talk to another birth mom until she has deemed her what she calls "safe." I guess its better that this happened now and not 6 months down the road. But it still hurts. It still sucks.

Oh, and to add little salt to our fresh wound, our agency wants another $2,500 to update our homestudy. Total BS since we’ve already paid them almost $2,000 bucks for our initial one. And even worse, they charge you a $1,000 for what they call a "required" charitable gift. REALLY! And adoption isn’t about the money right?

So now – it’s back to square one. Who knows, if this doesn’t work out, maybe we’ll just travel around the world and buy an apartment in Paris. Honestly, right now, that sounds pretty good to me.

Keep On Keeping On...

I have one word to describe how I've been feeling lately – antsy. You know that restless, impatient and fidgety feeling.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs – WHY DOES THIS WAIT HAVE TO BE SO F****** TORTUOUS!

(I have a few other choice words I could throw out there as well)

And the worst part about it – is that we are only into our sixth month of waiting. How the H-E-double-hockey-stick am I going to hold out for the next 20 or so months? Really, how are other prospective adoptive parents doing it? I would love to know.

I mean, there are certainly things to distract me from constantly thinking about when, and if I will ever become a mom, like work, dinners out in the city, cooking tapas for 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon with my husband, rowing at 6:00 in the morning when the steam is coming off the lake, my family and of course my very supportive friends.

But honestly, is that enough to hold me over – to keep me sane?

I know people have all kinds of advice about how you can make the time go by faster, like training for a marathon or learning a new language. Those sound great. They really do. But at this point, I don't think I am  feeling "Zen" enough to engage in those very productive activities. I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself. Maybe because it's been raining like mad for the past 12 hours and I am really overtired lately… and cranky.

We actually have a scheduled call with one of the managers who runs the domestic program at our agency tomorrow morning – and while it sounds so appealing to spend a minimum of $30,000 (plus all the other potential expenses) and have a baby come into our home many, many months sooner than sticking it out in the Ethiopia program – I just can't seem to wrap my head or my heart around that.

It makes my stomach hurt. Not adopting domestically. I think that's an absolutely wonderful thing. I just mean choosing one or the other.

So what to do?????

Maybe I'll take some advice from one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs...

"The only thing I knew how to do

Was to keep on keeping on like a bird that flew

Tangled up in blue."