Thursday, June 23, 2011

Keep On Keeping On...

I have one word to describe how I've been feeling lately – antsy. You know that restless, impatient and fidgety feeling.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs – WHY DOES THIS WAIT HAVE TO BE SO F****** TORTUOUS!

(I have a few other choice words I could throw out there as well)

And the worst part about it – is that we are only into our sixth month of waiting. How the H-E-double-hockey-stick am I going to hold out for the next 20 or so months? Really, how are other prospective adoptive parents doing it? I would love to know.

I mean, there are certainly things to distract me from constantly thinking about when, and if I will ever become a mom, like work, dinners out in the city, cooking tapas for 3 hours on a Sunday afternoon with my husband, rowing at 6:00 in the morning when the steam is coming off the lake, my family and of course my very supportive friends.

But honestly, is that enough to hold me over – to keep me sane?

I know people have all kinds of advice about how you can make the time go by faster, like training for a marathon or learning a new language. Those sound great. They really do. But at this point, I don't think I am  feeling "Zen" enough to engage in those very productive activities. I guess I am feeling a little sorry for myself. Maybe because it's been raining like mad for the past 12 hours and I am really overtired lately… and cranky.

We actually have a scheduled call with one of the managers who runs the domestic program at our agency tomorrow morning – and while it sounds so appealing to spend a minimum of $30,000 (plus all the other potential expenses) and have a baby come into our home many, many months sooner than sticking it out in the Ethiopia program – I just can't seem to wrap my head or my heart around that.

It makes my stomach hurt. Not adopting domestically. I think that's an absolutely wonderful thing. I just mean choosing one or the other.

So what to do?????

Maybe I'll take some advice from one of my favorite Bob Dylan songs...

"The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keeping on like a bird that flew
Tangled up in blue."


  1. The wait is so, so, SO hard. I wish I had any advice for you, but I don't. I found the first part of the wait easier than the second part, but I think it was just because I knew it was going to be so long (and it got longer) that I knew I couldn't focus on it too much. I tried to keep busy with work, volunteer work, and so on. But it's hard when all you want is your family, and you have to wait so long for it. Hang in there.

  2. I just ran across your blog. As someone who has been waiting for 17 months now (for siblings), I can honestly say that I don't think there is a way to stay sane. My wine in bulk.