Diversions & Renovations

There’s nothing like gutting a few rooms in your house to keep your mind busy and not obsessing over the adoption process you feel like you've been entrenched in for years.

This all started a little over a month ago when my husband decided he wanted to get a designer to help us with some rooms. To give you a little background, we live in 200-year-old house that always needs work. Last year we focused on painting the outside of the house, and now, it was time to take a look at some rooms on the inside. Believe me, I never thought we would hire an interior designer to help us (it sounds like such a DB thing to do) – but it has actually been an eye-opening experience. She has picked things out that I never would've even looked at.

If someone told me I would wallpaper my entryway – I would have told them they were nuts. I mean wallpaper is so 1970’s and 80’s. Well, let me tell you… grass–cloth wallpaper is genius. It’s rustic and elegant and gives the room so much texture. It’s hard to see from the picture – but it is pretty kick ass. Now I want to grass-cloth my whole house!

We also decided refurbish our front door, which is one of my absolute favorite things about this house. Here’s a picture after the woodworker started to tear out the side paneling.

And here's a picture of our new light fixture and another angle of the grass-cloth. (I am a big fan)

The other room we decided to completely re-do is our mudroom. I wish I had a before picture, but basically, it was a cluttered mess. One of the closet doors was unhinged, which would periodically come crashing down on the dog if you weren’t careful – and speaking of dogs – my French Mastiff, Charlie, had complete reign over the space, which meant lots of drool and lots of hair.

So we decided to rip everything out and start from scratch. First up on the agenda was a new heated floor because that room was frigid! Here's a before and after of the tiles. Now we are  just waiting for some paint, the California Closets, the new “steam” washer and dryer (so excited for those!) and some furniture.

We’re also updating an upstairs bedroom that will double as Ken’s office and an open room downstairs that will be my new office. Ken's room is almost there. You can see the new rug and paint color (Benjamin Moore - Nocturnal Gray). We just need some furniture to arrive!

The good news is that this project has really taken our mind off the adoption. The bad news is – all of this is supposed to be done before Thanksgiving. Oh, and did I mention that we have 35 people coming over. Yikes!

But then again, our designer lady has promised us it will be done. So fingers crossed and stay tuned for some updated pictures.

Busted!

Our adoption journey/craziness has definitely been a comedy of errors – but this latest experience ranks right up there at the top.

Our lawyer (who is on her last leg with me) contacted us last week to let us know that it was IMPERATIVE for us to get our homestudy update from our agency as soon as possible.  I asked her why, and she said she had a birth mom who was due at the end of January. OK… this was an exciting prospect. So in true fashion, I ran around like a crazy person getting things signed and notarized, on top of writing another fat check to our agency, and then we waited for her to send us the paperwork.

She overnighted it, and I ripped open the Fed Ex envelope as soon as it landed on our front porch.

Now, I have never looked over this kind of paperwork before, but it’s basically background information about the birth mom including medical and family history. I scanned over the pages carefully and found no sign of anything alarming – except the fact that this woman and her family didn’t seem to have any medical issues at all. No drinking, drugs, family history of cancer or heart disease or anything else for that matter, but let’s be honest,  even the most ‘normal’ families have a history of something… right?

Well, I was about to find out that this birth mom was not so perfect after all. Her name was glaring at me from the top of the document -and so I did what anyone in my place would do – I Googled her.

I was thinking maybe a Facebook page would come up with her name – but no. Instead, the website, BUSTED! mugshots.com was staring back at me. It turns out she was arrested a few months ago for obstructing justice (or something like that). OK. Not so bad. But then I Googled the birth dad’s name, and just like that, his name popped up on mugshots.com as well. Turns out he was arrested last month for assault and battery/domestic violence. REALLY!? Now, I don’t expect the birth parents to be perfect by any means, I really don’t. But the fact that her “old man” (he’s 54 and she’s 31) got busted for domestic violence when she’s supposedly 6 months pregnant didn’t exactly give me the warm and fuzzies.

Long story short, as my husband loves to say, I called our lawyer and she had other news that wasn’t so promising. Like the fact that the birth mom was due at the end of May, not January.  That’s a big difference. She then tried to feed me some story, saying she thought she was 6 months along, but it turns out she was only 2. Again REALLY?!

I stopped her right there and said we would take a pass.

By the way – she didn’t know about the arrests either – which is BS. Isn’t that part of her job to know? Ken and I have gone through more fingerprinting and background checks – but god forbid – we know that information about potential birth parents. (sorry I’m going off on a tangent)

Bottom-line: I am sure we will meet the right birth mom or birth parents at some point… it’s just hilarious what we have to go through in the meantime. If I don’t laugh about it… the only thing left to do is cry… and I’m over that for now.

Back to Square One

Just when I thought that Ken and I had had finally caught a break in this wonderful process of adoption ---- nope. Not happening. And when I say "wonderful process of adoption" I am totally being sarcastic. It really sucks. S-U-C-K-S. (Don’t get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful and amazing thing, it’s the process that really stinks)

So in my last blog, I was feeling really positive. We had been talking and texting with a prospective birth mother from Texas and things were going really well. In fact, the day after I posted that blog she called to tell us that she had chosen us – CHOSEN US – to be part of her adoption plan. It was surreal and exciting all at the same time. She wasn’t due until May so we had plenty of time to forge a relationship with her. She even told us she wanted us to be in the delivery room with her. All incredible news.

Although we were being cautiously optimistic (I am starting to hate that phrase) – I couldn’t help myself from daydreaming about how I would decorate the baby’s room… how I might have to trade-in my mini for a bigger car to fit a seat in the back… how I would be a parent in less than a year and on and on. I had that warm and fuzzy feeling, but then things took a turn for the worse a week or so later.

The birth mom called me after she had (allgedly)left the doctor, and the call was a little strange to say the least. So I left a message for our lawyer Debbie. She called us back saying she had some suspicions as well – and it turns out she had caught the birth mom "D" in a bunch of lies, and even went as far as to say that "D" might not even be pregnant. WHAT!?? Debbie said she might have just been pursuing the adoption to get attention because she was sad and lonely. OK. Now, I felt like I was in the real-life version of that movie "Catfish" when that guys falls in love with the hot girl on Facebook only to find out she’s a middle-aged woman who was bored with her life. Not quite the same thing – but you get the picture.

I am not going to judge because I don’t know what kind of challenges "D" is facing in her life, but I hope, really hope, this doesn’t happen to us again. I told our lawyer that I DO NOT want to talk to another birth mom until she has deemed her what she calls "safe." I guess its better that this happened now and not 6 months down the road. But it still hurts. It still sucks.

Oh, and to add little salt to our fresh wound, our agency wants another $2,500 to update our homestudy. Total BS since we’ve already paid them almost $2,000 bucks for our initial one. And even worse, they charge you a $1,000 for what they call a "required" charitable gift. REALLY! And adoption isn’t about the money right?

So now – it’s back to square one. Who knows, if this doesn’t work out, maybe we’ll just travel around the world and buy an apartment in Paris. Honestly, right now, that sounds pretty good to me.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

It's been over a month since I’ve updated my blog - such a slacker right?! Well, not exactly. 

I honestly haven't had time with all the changes (see David Bowie below for a little song action) that have taken place in the last 30 days. First off, I left my job at Fox. Yes, I did it. As bittersweet as it was, and as hard as it was leaving all the amazing people I work with (especially 5 ladies in particular - you know who you are) - it was time to leave and move onto new adventures. 

One - because I am starting my own little, one-man band media company that provides top-of-the-line (that's right... top-of-the line) freelance writing and producing. If you know anyone who needs those services - let me know! Two - because I want to establish myself and still thrive in my career despite the fact that I will be becoming a mom soon ... hopefully soon. And three - I COULD NOT and WILL NOT subject myself to one more second of that all out soul-sucking commute I had to do 5 days a week. So that's that. It's a new day and a new world for me. 

One last work note before I move onto other news. My last article and video I got to do at FOX was about a beautiful 4-year-old girl from Ethiopia who was found by a non-profit organization based in Seattle who specializes in helping ET kids with medical issues. Her name is Sami and she was suffering from a massive venous malformation on her face. Of course the growth was impossible not to notice, but after just a few seconds with her, all of that disappears and you just focus on her big brown eyes and the fact that she is so strong and so resilient. Check out the video. 

VIDEO: A Second Chance for Sami

As all of you know by now, Ken and are adopting from Ethiopia and have officially been waiting for about nine months. At the same time, we also started to pursue domestic adoption. Remember that 22 page profile that took two days to put together? Well, it has paid off. Our lawyer called us the night before my last day at work (talk about timing - I think it's a sign) and said that she sent out our profile to a 19-year-old prospective birth mom in Texas. 

Well, apparently she liked our profile because she called our lawyer back right away to say that she wanted to call us. When I heard that, my stomach started to flip out a little bit. 

How surreal! What was I even going to say to this young woman? Was I going to babble on the phone? Was I going to say something wrong? Our lawyer told us to just be ourselves, but it wasn’t like I was having a conversation with just anyone. This could be and might be the person I am forever connected to, and incredibly grateful to, for being the birth mother of a child that may become my child one day soon – Our kid. I felt like I was going to throw up. But Ken snapped me out of it and I picked up the phone and dialed her number. 

At the other end was a sweet, southern-drawl voice. We talked for about 20 minutes about why she liked our profile, how old far along she is (she’s due in the spring– so it’s still early) and we just chit-chatted. It was surreal – but after I hung up I felt pretty good about it. Since then we have been texting and setting up a time for all three is us to talk.

And speaking of that call, just 30 minutes ago my lawyer called to say that D (the birth mom) wants to have a call with me and Ken tomorrow to tell us some “good news.” She said she knew what it was, but D had asked her not to say anything, so she wasn’t going to tell me unless I asked her to. As hard it was for me not to scream “TELL WHAT IT IS NOW PLEASE!” … I wanted to respect D’s wishes. So, now we will have to wait until tomorrow to find out what it is.

I guess I will just spend the next 24 hours obsessing. She already told me that twins run in her family -- all three of her sisters have twins. So who knows! 

But of course she would have to pick us first. Stay tuned.

The Profile...

I have been completely delinquent with my blog these past few weeks - but I must say it has been for good reason. 

1. I've been distracted by the summer weather (who hasn't) 

2. Ken and I have been entrenched in hiring a lawyer for domestic adoption (we are keeping our options open) 

3. I've obsessed, re-written, re-formatted and spent hours upon hours putting together what we like to call the "book of our lives," which translates to a profile that is shown to prospective birth mothers.

4. And of course... there's work too.

Now, let's talk about this "profile" for a moment shall we. Our lawyer told us to spend an hour (yes, just 1 hour) writing up an outline of how we met, our relationship, how long we've been married, our childhood, our family, our friends, our house, how we see ourselves as parents etc etc.

Really, an hour.... Please people! In reality it turned out to be like 20 hours and 22 pages long (including pictures). Thank god I had my friend Linda (along with some vino) to help me through it. I was so exhausted at the end of the process that I looked it over and I thought "Would I like these people? Would I want them to be the parents of my unborn child."

With that said, I still stuck that document in a FedEx envelope and overnighted it to a lawyer in Tennessee who was meeting with a prospective birth mother the next day. (By the way $90 bucks to overnight that thing! As my friend at work said - I could have filled up my Mini twice and gotten that document there in the same amount of time.)

A few hours after the meeting took place, our lawyer called and said it had gone well, that the women had pure intentions and was serious about placing her child for adoption. 

That was 7 days ago and we still haven't heard anything - but that's OK with me - because in the beginning I told myself that I wasn't going to invest a lot in this meeting. I was just going to look at it as an opportunity that could possibly turn into something else. So that's where we are. 

Still on the waiting list for Ethiopia and at the same time pursuing domestic. Who knows where this road will end up taking us...

Truly Heartbreaking...

I can't imagine being one of these mothers - and making the choices they have to make. This article says it all.

Children Abandoned on East Africa's "Roads of Death"

We'll Always Have Spain...

This has been a pretty crazy week – and the thing is – it’s only Wednesday. So I will start from the beginning.
Ken and I flew back from an amazing trip to the Basque region of Spain on Sunday night.  We spent 10 days roaming around  the shores of San Sebastian, to the Rioja wine region…  we made a quick stop in Pamplona to run with the bulls (yes, you read that right. My husband can finally cross it off his bucket list) … and then we were off to Barcelona.

Needless to say it was a once-in-a-lifetime trip – truly great.  Lots of delicious food, wine, cocktails (they make a mean tableside gin and tonic) and of course lots of time not thinking about work and definitely no Blackberry’s (which is huge for my husband).
Of course no Blackberry means no access to email, which brings me to the rollercoaster of a week we’ve already had. On Monday, after cleaning out the 900-plus emails out of my work inbox, I checked my yahoo and came across an email from our agency featuring several new “waiting” children. These are kids who are waiting either due to their age of a medical condition.
And here’s where the trouble started. As soon as I opened it up…I gazed upon the most precious little face.  Ken and I had never even thought about adopting a waiting child, but this little peanut changed our mind instantly. I immediately emailed our case worker for additional information… and the race was on. I had 24 hours to contact an international adoption physician to review his medical records because another family had requested to be matched with him… and that matching meeting was scheduled to take place on Wednesday at noon.
The pressure was on, but I’m in news – and deadlines are my thing – so I wasn’t worried. On top of tracking down an adoption specialist, I connected with two other doctors who dropped everything to look through the paperwork. All of them gave us the thumbs up.
A few hours later – we threw our hat into the ring. Although both Ken and I were cautiously optimistic, it was nearly impossible to contain our excitement. It was coming out of my pores.  After all that we’ve been through – it could finally be time for us to be parents. Finally.
Today at work was excruciating. I spent it staring at the clock on the bottom right of my computer screen, waiting for the noon hour to pass, and then finally waiting for my phone to ring.
And finally… it did.
It was our case worker, who has a voice that I can’t tell either way if she’s delivering good news or bad, but a few words into our conversation… she said “I have some disappointing news.”
In the end, they chose the other family mainly based on the fact that they’ve been waiting longer. Mother F*****, I feel like we’ve been waiting a lifetime. But at the end of the day (as my husband loves to say) … at least this little one is getting a loving home. 
All good news.  I just wish it was our home.


But then again, we’ll always have Spain…….

Click here to check out the rest of the photos