Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Addressing the Negativity

I’ve had this blog for nearly two years – and in that time – I have never received a negative comment. Well, that was until yesterday when an “anonymous” commenter (anonymous of course because they didn’t have the spine to identify themselves) left this:

"I think the kids look unhappy because you purchased them and they have a legitimate reason for being unhappy"

Needless to say, I don’t find this comment surprising, but I do find it infuriating on so many levels.

First of all, this person has no idea what our story is. About how we came to be a family. About the heartbreaking circumstances surrounding their relinquishment. They know absolutely nothing. Yet, they feel like they can just throw out that comment… anonymously of course.

I was having a conversation with my husband about it last night – and he said something that put it all in perspective for me. “We do not live in a perfect world.”

If we did – there would be no need for adoption because birth families would have everything they need to raise their children. They would have access to good health care and plenty of food and clean water – and the phrases poverty and food insecurity wouldn’t exist in our vocabulary. If this was a perfect world – there wouldn’t be an estimated 153 million orphans worldwide.

If this was a perfect world, my children would still be living with their birth mother and siblings in Ethiopia. Their birth father would still be alive and they would be thriving in their small village.

Unfortunately…. this is NOT a perfect world. It’s pretty $%*&@# up – and all we can do is our best to live the lives we were meant to. In our case, it’s raising these three amazing children to be the best possible human beings they can be. To give them every opportunity in the world to be happy and successful. To instill in them respect for themselves and others, to have faith, to love their family and friends and to embrace all cultures as well as their own.

When it all comes down to it… adoption… just like the world we live is absolutely not perfect.

But when it’s done right and ethically, and you’re able to make a personal connection with the birth family, and everyone is on the same page – there really is nothing more amazing or beautiful than adoption.

Trust me. I live it every day.


  1. Amazingly well said! Your children are so blessed by you- as you are by them. Thank you for being an advocate for adoption.

  2. It's always "Anonymous," isn't it? Grrr. So sorry you had to deal with that.

  3. That is so bizarre. I, too, got my first negative comment this week. I'm going to write a whole post on it...once I calm down and stop using obscenities!

    1. Ha! I have plenty of obscenities floating around my head too - and I would usually use them- but my husband (as always) talked me into counting to 10 and waiting to cool down before writing down my thoughts. Sorry you had to deal with the negativity as well... although we have to expect it being in such an open forum.

  4. I agree with Kelly!! I feel bad for the person to have such meanness in their hearts.

  5. How unfortunate & RUDE!!! You are an amzing woman with an incredable family. Not everyone would take on triplets if given a choice & you & your husband did. I know it's hard but try to ignore the ignorant "anonymous" comments & know ALL toddlers look unhappy for some portion of the day, I know, I also have triplets, a little older than yours & tantrums are just their way of expressing their frustration since they do not yet have the skills to communicate with words. And boy do they get frustrated, lol...

  6. Everyone is so brave behind their computers. Living in ignorance and stupidity, with their blinders and judgements. You are A COMPLETE inspiration! Selfless, kind, nurturing and meant to be the mother of those precious babies. I love to see you so still and strong in the face of adversity. Keep on going Mama. You have nothing to prove!

  7. I find this post and 2plus2 comment interesting. I got back from a train ride with Ashu at ll p.m. Sunday. I looked at my email, and I had two extremely rude and ignorant comments left for myself. They were the first negative comments I received, and they were within four minutes of each other. A friend even said that I posted in early October what occurred at our house, and it is more than chance that I got no negative comments and then two so close together (so long after the blog post). Trust me... what they said to you was nothing compared to the stuff they said about me. I won't give them the satisfaction of repeating anything on here. My thinking is that they are doing these things to get attention. No attention is deserved for two very ignorant.. or rather stupid emails.. from someone who knows absolutely nothing about what has occurred within our family unit. enough said.... It is interesting though that we are all getting these this week. I don't plan to address them on my blog because again I think that is exactly what they are looking for right now.

  8. Guess they got the attention they needed over that one. Standing beside you today and forever thrilled to know the five of you! --Elaine