The Call That Changed Everything

A week ago Monday at 10:49 a.m.  – as I was running out the door to drive Ken to the airport – THE CALL finally came from our agency. 

We had been matched.

Not with one baby, not with two – but with three beautiful little peanuts. That’s right. TRIPLETS! They are almost 6-months-old and are the cutest little beings I have ever laid eyes on. Two boys and a girl from Ethiopia.

It’s overwhelming and amazing all at the same time. 

It all started when I was in Texas. Our case worker sent out an email to families who were eligible for a sibling group. I remember looking over the email and forwarding it to Ken – half joking – saying “Wow, healthy 5-and-a-half month old babies – BUT Triplets! That’s a lot of work.”

He responded a few minutes later saying… “Sign me up!”

He scheduled a call with our case worker to talk about how to move forward. She told us there was significant interest from other families as well, and we should not get our hopes up because they had been waiting much longer – some of them two years. That was OK with us. If it was meant to be – it was meant to be. So we got our homestudy update and officially asked to be matched.

Honestly, with all the luck we’ve had in this crazy adoption process, we really had no expectations. None. And then wham! Fate steps in and we are the parents to three little beauties.

There’s still a long road ahead. The babies are from a region where our agency has just started to work in, so in a way, it’s almost like a pilot program. There are unknowns and travel to the region is far from easy. But we are feeling optimistic and ready for whatever life brings us.

We are hoping to bring them home before the end of the year (fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly with court and the embassy!) I have been a mad woman over the past week - running around... updating paperwork... getting things notarized, state certified and on and on -- and this is just the beginning of the journey.

Wait until we bring them home. This house that we live in now – which is pretty mellow – is going to be UPSIDE DOWN.

And... I can’t hardly wait!

Two Weeks in Far West Texas

Marfa, TX

I have been home for two days now… and it feels good to be back. There’s nothing like being in your own house and sleeping in your own bed. 


But, I must say – to my complete surprise – this New England girl thoroughly enjoyed West Texas. I was in the tiny town of Marfa for two weeks for a documentary workshop. And believe me, it’s not an easy place to get to. You have to fly into El Paso (with no direct flight from NYC) and then you have to jump in a car and drive three hours to this dusty, little artsy town with a population of 2,000. 


Being in cowboy country in the middle of a two-week workshop does have its advantages though. 


Advantage No. 1: The fact that you can drive 85 miles-per-hour with your hair flying in the desert wind without a cop in sight. I actually think the speed limit is 75 in some places and they want to raise it to 80. Perfect for a lead-foot like myself. 


Advantage No. 2: Because it’s an artsy town filled with creative people, the coffee is amazing and so is the food.


Advantage No. 3: Being surrounded by the minimalist and wide open desert landscape. It really is a different kind of beauty.


Advantage No. 4: Meeting interesting -- salt of the earth people – that I would’ve never come across if it weren’t for this little town.


Advantage No. 5: Feeling inspired by all the new stuff I was learning. I actually know how to use a Canon XF305 professional video camera – and use it with confidence. For all of you in the production business (or news biz) I can white balance like a pro no matter what time of day it is, shoot at all different angles, edit in Final Cut Pro, hook up a wireless lavalier (lav) and adjust the audio until it’s just right. Being on the other side for many years as a producer, it’s empowering to know how to do all of these things! And I never shot blue video once!


Advantage No. 6: I have a completed short documentary, and as a result, feel like I can jump right in and start on my own documentary that I’ve wanted to do for almost a year now. (Once I get a link to my documentary, I will post it on my blog)


Advantage No. 7: Being completely distracted. I was so engrossed in what I was doing, I didn’t even think about the adoption, which was a welcome break. No obsessing over our wait. No fretting over if this will ever happen for us. It was truly refreshing.


Advantage No. 8: Saying you want to do something and actually doing it are two completely different things – and sometimes I find myself getting stuck in the middle. In limbo between having a goal and then really going after it and achieving it. It almost happened with this journey because I was ALMOST too much of wimp to go to a foreign place for two-weeks by myself. BUT I am so glad I did. I feel more confident not only in my professional life as a result of everything I learned, but also in my personal life. 


In the meantime, while I was gone, things started to happen on the adoption front. I don’t want to say exactly what it is, because I don’t want to jinx it. I will say it could be life-changing.


Until I have more news, here are a few pictures to enjoy of Marfa.

First day of shooting. Adam Bork (the subject of the documentary) fixing one of his many vintage cars.

Putting the story together, act by act.

The Food Shark (food truck) - run by Adam Bork and his wife Krista - was the subject of the documentary.

Main street in Marfa

Another view of Main St. at dusk

The night of the screening.

Taking a Leap of Faith

A lot has happened in the past month. First off, we were almost matched with a baby boy in Massachusetts. Our agency called us out of the blue to ask us if were Catholic. I thought to myself: “Please, after all of those CCD classes – that I dreaded – and confirmations and going to church every Sunday with our parents … yes, I answered, we are definitely Catholic!”

After straightening that out, they wanted to know if we were open to sending our profile to this birth mom in Mass., and I said, yeah, why not. We have nothing to lose. I am all about NO EXPECTATIONS these days. So why not send it off.

Well, we did and it turned out that the birth mom chose us. There was just one hitch: There were two potential birth fathers. One had signed off on the adoption while the other one wanted to parent. Enter the DNA test.

Well, after waiting six grueling days to find out if he was the father, it turns out – that yes, he was.  I am telling you. We have S*** luck.

Yes. Another disappointment – but in the spirit of moving on, we quickly printed out more profiles – a.k.a a 20 page essay of our lives – and sent them off to an agency in Florida who works with our agency in Massachusetts. Apparently, this agency is in great need of families who are open to adopting African American and Bi-racial babies. SIGN US UP!

And that’s where we stand right now.  Again, I am trying not to have any expectations, but deep down, I have a good feeling.

In the meantime, I am taking off for the postage-stamp-sized town of Marfa, Texas at the end of this month for a 2-week documentary workshop. I am super excited, but a little anxious, since I am embarking on this journey without any of my peeps. But, hey, that’s what life is all about right – going outside of your comfort zone and taking a leap of faith.

I think that pretty much sums up adoption as well – don’t you?

A Work in Progress

January has come and gone. I can’t believe it’s already February. How did that happen?

Not, much to report on the adoption front except that we found a new lawyer. She was adopted herself and seems really straight-forward and down to earth. Hey, as long as she doesn’t lead us down the same path that the last lawyer did – that’s all I really care about.

As far as Ethiopia, things are pretty much at a stalemate (at least for us). In our agency’s monthly newsletter, we found out that we are among 140 families waiting for a referral with 75 percent of us requesting a child 3 and under. So if I’m doing the math right, we are 1 of 105 families –and with a trickle of referrals coming in each month – the wait could be extremely long. 


Although today they did report that they got 8 referrals in the month of January. So things are looking up for some families, which is always nice to hear. 

And even though Ken and I have been waiting just over a year, some people have been waiting 26 and 27 months! I can't imagine. 


I am keeping my fingers crossed that good news finds them soon.


In the meantime, I’ve been doing lots of yoga (trying to find some inner peace!) and we’ve been working on the house, finishing up some projects that were started in the fall. Everything is a work in progress, but here are some updated photos:

New console in mudroom

New mudroom doors with branch handles

new daybed (that took 3 months to get here) in Ken's office

new bathroom color (used to be teal!)

updated front entry

stenciled stairs (with sandy paint) so no one wipes out anymore

                                                  

my new work area

lounge area next to my desk

And here's the guy that drools all over everything new in the house! The one and only Charlie

                                          

                                               

Ripping Off the Rear-View Mirror

It’s been a month since my last post. Pathetic I know. But in reality, it was hectic trying to get through the holidays, travel, visit family and friends – and of course trying to forget about our big “disappointment” last month.

The forgetting worked for a little while, but the sadness and anger of being so close to finally becoming parents did rear its ugly head a couple of times (especially after a few Patron shots at this amazing oyster bar in Newport, RI).

But, as with everything in life, we are moving ahead (with no regrets) – which reminds me of something my husband said to me during our little escape to The Keys.

He was referring to this old movie called, “The Gumball Rally” (from 1976), which is about a coast-to-coast car race (think of the Cannonball Run movies).

Well, there’s a scene where this Italian guy is in the driver seat (his name is Franco) and he looks at the guy and the passenger seat and says:

Franco: And now my friend, the first-a rule of Italian driving.

[Franco rips off his rear-view mirror and throws it out of the car]

Franco: What's-a behind me is not important.

So, the point of Ken’s story was, we are going to do exactly what Franco did: We are going to rip off the rear-view mirror and not look back. Because what has happened with this whole adoption process so far is not important – what’s important is what lies ahead – on the open road before us.

With that said, does anyone know of a good adoption lawyer in the NYC-area?

A Surreal Few Weeks

These past few weeks have gone by in a blur – a kind-of dream state almost. It started just before Thanksgiving with a call from our lawyer. It seems like everything starts that way lately… with a call from our lawyer. She said she had been in contact with a birth mother who was due the day after Christmas.

Of course I had my suspicions due to the previous experiences that we had had, but somehow I felt this one was going to be different. First, because our lawyer had actually met with this birth mother, and second, we had a long conversation with the birth mom, and for the first time, we made arrangements to meet her and her two girls in person – in the flesh. Lunch was the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving came and went with a bang. As I mentioned earlier, we had 30 people over. It was stressful planning it, but in the end it turned out to be the best Turkey Day Ken and I and our friends and family had had in a long time. I think there’s something magical when everyone sits down at the same table (in our case, a really long table that that took up two rooms) and goes around and says what they are thankful for. It was very memorable.

Of course, I said I was thankful for my amazing husband, my family and friends making the journey to our house, and of course this new and exciting prospect that we could actually become parents by Christmas. It was all happening at once.

Saturday came and we were off to meet the birth mom about 3 1/2 hours away. I remember her coming down the stairs and giving me a hug as soon as she saw me. Maybe it’s just a female thing because we’re all so emotional, but it meant a lot to me. Over the next few hours we got to know her and her two adorable girls, how she grew up, what she hoped the future would hold for her kids. We drove away feeling really good about the whole thing.

Fast-forward to a week and a half later – after we’d been calling and texting one another – to me waking up to my phone buzzing near my head at 5am. Of course I jumped out of bed to answer it. It was her. She had been brought to the hospital for significant bleeding. After running some tests, the doctors determined that she was OK and so was the baby. I could hear his heartbeat … thumping through the phone… so I knew that things are going to be fine. Well, that same day, around 2:00 she called to say that she was in labor. WHAT!!??

I ran to tell Ken who was packing his bags to leave on business. He immediately thought I was messing with him, but quickly saw that I wasn’t kidding.  We race to the hospital. In the meantime, things are pretty official. We have entered an adoption plan together. Papers are signed and checks have been written.  So we do what any expectant parents would do and excitedly tell our friends and family that “HOLY S#@*” this is finally happening.

We were trying to be cautiously optimistic of course, but then again, we’re only human and emotions took over. We spent a few hours with her in the hospital, but the baby was not coming that night, or anytime soon, which in hindsight is a good thing – because it turns out she needs more time to work out some stuff in regards to this adoption – the most specific thing being visitation.

When we entered the adoption plan, it was letters and pictures and updates once or twice a year. We have no problem with that at all. But, in the end, “K” decided she wanted 5 to 6 visitations a year, and Ken and I just don’t want to have that open of an adoption – even though I know it works for some families.

Answer this question for me: Parenting is hard enough, so how do you raise your child without them getting completely confused when their birth mom visits them every few months?

I am sure someone has some really good answers out there.

(By the way, in between the two days that were shacked up at a Holiday Inn Express outside the hospital, we got a little ahead of ourselves and bought a whole bunch of things at Babies ‘R Us. We looked pretty sad when we returned it all 2 days later! Well, we used the money for a good cause. Keep reading to find out.)

In the end, we told our lawyer we were walking away, because the most important thing to us right now is not becoming parents. The most important thing is to have the birth mother of our child feel 100 % comfortable with her decision. We don’t want her to feel pressured and we certainly don’t want her to wake up every morning thinking that she’s made the biggest mistake of her life. I would be heartbroken if that happened.

So we walked away, and over a couple of shots of tequila and a lot of tears (on my end), we decided the best thing we could do is give her some breathing room and some time to think.

In the meantime, we ran off to Key West to drown our sorrows.(see photos above) And I must say it was absolutely the best thing we could’ve done with the money we got back from that Babies 'R Us shopping spree: Toes in the sand and cocktails at noon. 

I didn’t want to come home. I didn’t want to come back to reality and the realization that this was not happening again for us.

But strangely … it’s not completely over. She hasn’t had the baby. She’s on bed rest due to the bleeding, and her lawyer said she doesn’t want to look at any other couples. She said she sees us as the parents that she wants for her son.

Ken and I just want what is best for her and her kids. So, I guess we just have to wait and see what that is.

Diversions & Renovations

There’s nothing like gutting a few rooms in your house to keep your mind busy and not obsessing over the adoption process you feel like you've been entrenched in for years.

This all started a little over a month ago when my husband decided he wanted to get a designer to help us with some rooms. To give you a little background, we live in 200-year-old house that always needs work. Last year we focused on painting the outside of the house, and now, it was time to take a look at some rooms on the inside. Believe me, I never thought we would hire an interior designer to help us (it sounds like such a DB thing to do) – but it has actually been an eye-opening experience. She has picked things out that I never would've even looked at.

If someone told me I would wallpaper my entryway – I would have told them they were nuts. I mean wallpaper is so 1970’s and 80’s. Well, let me tell you… grass–cloth wallpaper is genius. It’s rustic and elegant and gives the room so much texture. It’s hard to see from the picture – but it is pretty kick ass. Now I want to grass-cloth my whole house!

We also decided refurbish our front door, which is one of my absolute favorite things about this house. Here’s a picture after the woodworker started to tear out the side paneling.

And here's a picture of our new light fixture and another angle of the grass-cloth. (I am a big fan)

The other room we decided to completely re-do is our mudroom. I wish I had a before picture, but basically, it was a cluttered mess. One of the closet doors was unhinged, which would periodically come crashing down on the dog if you weren’t careful – and speaking of dogs – my French Mastiff, Charlie, had complete reign over the space, which meant lots of drool and lots of hair.

So we decided to rip everything out and start from scratch. First up on the agenda was a new heated floor because that room was frigid! Here's a before and after of the tiles. Now we are  just waiting for some paint, the California Closets, the new “steam” washer and dryer (so excited for those!) and some furniture.

We’re also updating an upstairs bedroom that will double as Ken’s office and an open room downstairs that will be my new office. Ken's room is almost there. You can see the new rug and paint color (Benjamin Moore - Nocturnal Gray). We just need some furniture to arrive!

The good news is that this project has really taken our mind off the adoption. The bad news is – all of this is supposed to be done before Thanksgiving. Oh, and did I mention that we have 35 people coming over. Yikes!

But then again, our designer lady has promised us it will be done. So fingers crossed and stay tuned for some updated pictures.